It is so important to remember to give thanks to our Lord, even if our emotions tell us to do otherwise. 

For such a long time, I thought my emotions were otherwise. I started to be influenced by my boyfriend, who is, at times, one of the most logical people I know. However, instead of battling between which is best for the world (as both can be disadvantageous), the best we can do is try our best to be open to God’s way of thinking, to His way of feeling. If we are even open to just the idea of it, we can invite in the Holy Spirit and have our mental, emotional, and spiritual states flourish. Sure, we will have resistance coming from Satan and our Earthly desires and petty clinginess, but nothing is outside God’s power. His love will conquer all.


The Result of a Prayer

I found this prayer in a book I’ve been reading today. I knew my heart didn’t want what it was asking, but I confessed that to God and asked anyway, because I knew it was the right thing to do, because I knew my heart wasn’t in the right, and because I wanted to want it.

“My Lord and my God, Take everything from me that distances me from You. My Lord and my God, give me everything that brings me closer to You. My Lord and my God, detach me from myself and give my all to You.”– St. Nicholas of Flüe

The Lord works in mysterious ways. I had been praying to God, “I invite You in to fill every nook and cranny I have and to chase out all the darkness” but this prayer seems to do a much better job of describing my intentions. 

After praying this prayer, I felt and odd sensation.

Suddenly, I felt lifted to a realm where no sin existed. I wrote part of the experience:

“It’s as though I’m an infant, seeing nothing but love from all Christ’s creations. I see no sin. I feel no sin. I feel as though I have ascended to the Lord’s hands, by the Lord’s hands, and in them Lord a field of heavenly flowers that are fed and kept alive by God’s endless love and mercy.”

This is significant. The more we are like children in our faith, the stronger our faith and the more we know. I was just getting onto myself for not knowing the Bible as well as I should, but God popped up and is helping me learn in addition to reading Scripture. Or maybe as an extension of the faith He imparts from Scripture. 

Feeling what I felt and am still feeling is indescribable. I tried my best to put an image to it, but God is so much more infinte than we can grasp, than even all the words in the world can describe. 

Feeling no sin is highly significant for me. I may know something and I may experience something, but feeling plays such a big part in my life. If I have doubts in my faith, it’s normally due to my feelings not lining up with my thoughts or the Bible. God has blessed me with proof, more and more reason to believe, thankfulness, and an increase in Faith. Let me be clear! My increase in Faith is not because He has shown Himself to me, but because He was willing to do so. He was and is willing to work with me, willing to work around my sinful nature to bring me closer to Him. Having His Grace and Mercy bestowed upon me after I have messed up so much is refreshing and inspiring, to say the least.

I need You, God. I need what You give me.

Thank you, Lord, for being YOU! Thank you for working in ways we don’t know. Thank you for having this incomprehensible love and mercy. I hate and shudder to think what the world would be like if all the goodness was confined to what my imagination could concoct.

With You, Lord Jesus Christ, there is nothing about You I can’t believe. There is nothing good I can’t experience when united with You.

All praise and glory be to the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, now and Forever.

The Result of a Prayer

A Realized Need for Prayer

While I felt the Holy Spirit arising from its position of work deep within my soul, I realized there was a vortex of swirling darkness in my chest. I felt the Holy Spirit at work to contain it. In place of the swirl, my focus turned then to the feelings of sorrow caused by talk of the evident disregard for life in the world. In the background of my mind, I was given relief from selfishness that came from the Holy Spirit. I did not experience what one may consider a big amount of selflessness, as I was still very aware of my will to not cry during service and the tears forming that threatened to violate my composure. However, I believe my levels of self-awareness and focus on life in the world at large were appropriate for a baby Christian such as myself. I thought about my sins and how they could pertain to present and future life and realized a greater need to pray for humanity and to atone to the best of my ability for my past sins and their potential consequences. I can only say that God has not made me perfect, and it is only with His Grace and Forgiveness can I attain the amount of selflessness I was meant to give to the world and God’s creations.

A Realized Need for Prayer