It is so important to remember to give thanks to our Lord, even if our emotions tell us to do otherwise. 

For such a long time, I thought my emotions were otherwise. I started to be influenced by my boyfriend, who is, at times, one of the most logical people I know. However, instead of battling between which is best for the world (as both can be disadvantageous), the best we can do is try our best to be open to God’s way of thinking, to His way of feeling. If we are even open to just the idea of it, we can invite in the Holy Spirit and have our mental, emotional, and spiritual states flourish. Sure, we will have resistance coming from Satan and our Earthly desires and petty clinginess, but nothing is outside God’s power. His love will conquer all.


God Helps Us Through

A few days ago, I was in a rather bad place. My mind was overcome with worry, anger, and fear so I stayed in bed all day and watched Netflix. It even got to the point where I gave up saying the Chaplet of Divine Mercy part way through because I wasn’t feeling it. This was so incredibly selfish of me. I am still angry at myself for that, but I keep running back to God.

After that, things started to look up again. I prayed, not really too hard, just honestly. My prayers were short, but God met me half way.

He always will. If we cry out to Him, no matter how small out cry, He will meet us. He will outstretch His arms for us, just like He has always done with me, just like He did these past few days.

He gets up past the sin. He carries us through thick and thin-as long as we let Him. If we don’t, we’ll sink and sink and sink until we’ll have very little choice but to turn back to Him, or stay sunken.

What will you choose? 

If you mess up your choice, as long as you’re physically or mentally still alive, you can choose again and again the love of Christ.

God Helps Us Through

Fallen from Grace, but Hopeful

I find that certain ways of being swept up in sin are glorified by society.

The most recent sin of mine that sticks out in my head is not going to church today.

I’m not entirely sure that’s glorified, but I think a lot of the world unfortunately accepts it when things are going ok. I’ve had conversations like, “If things are going great then we should be in church praising God, not ignoring Him!” with the person I was talking to showcasing a bit of despair and self-righteousness.

Now, again, the tables are turned. I’m the one who feels pulled away from God. I’m the one worrying and trying to not despair. I’ve been this way so many times before, but the difference now is that God repaired me then, so I broke a part of me that was already broken then. (I hope that makes sense) So it’s kind of like I started fresh this time. That makes it hurt in a different way. I’m not numb anymore. I’m hurting from this separation from God, from all the progress I’ve made with Him. My heart grieves and keeps asking me, “Why didn’t you go?” I have no good excuse. I have my reasons, but none of them justify not doing what God asks.

However, despite all this, I still have Him. Praying for Grace didn’t hurt. Praying the name of Jesus over and over didn’t hurt. I smiled during the Chaplet of Divine Mercy, when I would normally ache for the world. God showed me faith and told me He forgave me. He gave me the chance to accept His Grace. That didn’t hurt. I was scared that I would mess up again. I am still a bit scared of falling away from God too much, but the good news is that He’ll always be there to bring me back. Even if I mess up purposefully, even when I knowingly sin, even when I don’t try my best, He will still be there for me to run back to, with open arms and a smile ready for me.

I don’t deserve it. Even if I was more effective at minimizing my sinfulness, I still wouldn’t. Thankfully, He loves me. He loves all  of His creations. He won’t help the people I pray for because I pray for them. He won’t not help them because I couldn’t focus during my prayers or fell asleep while saying them or did something wrong before. It says in the Bible that the prayers of a righteous man are powerful. I am definitely not righteous. I wish I was, but alas…

But God accepts my prayers anyway. He helps people because He loves them, not because we deserve it.

I don’t deserve Him welcoming me back every time I mess up. I don’t deserve to have a church so close to me to be able to attend. But He gives me that anyway, because He loves me. He loves all of us. He wants to be close to us-everyone. He will continue to bring me back, time after time. He will continue to accept everyone, regardless their sins, time after time, provided they are sorry for their sins. Sometimes, it’s hard to feel sorry. Sometimes, letting ourselves feel sorry is a very, very scary thing, but we can trust in God, always.

I can trust that God is allowing me to feel this guilt so I learn a lesson that’s for my own good. I can’t trust people to do that for me. I can’t trust myself to do that for me.

The point is, even when we are so disgraceful, God still loves us and will bless us with love, compassion, and appropriate feelings.

Fallen from Grace, but Hopeful

I take this moment to write and reflect on whatever part of my recent spiritual experience shall come forth from my lips.

God is so good, and sin is so, so bad. It may be glamorized and admired and wooing, but it separates us from God. I have let sin in different parts of my life. I have messed up countless times, sometimes even purposefully.

However, God has not. He continues to love us and want the best for us, even if we don’t want the best for ourselves.

I am so blessed to have this guidance, to have such a perfect parent, to have such a potential for love and grace in my life.

He is all good, and will help me to be sorry for my sins. He will help me to repent and receive forgiveness. He will always, always lead me back to His awaiting embrace.

I’ve messed up, but God hasn’t and won’t ever. This is so, so, so very reassuring to me.

I’ve been so inspirational to some people. God is better. No matter what good I can do (which comes from God anyway) God can do better. This makes everything worth it. I take such great comfort in this that my fears are silenced and my heart rejoices with gratitude, expectation, and hope.

Thank you, Dearest God, for being perfect, for being You. Make me more like You. I give you permission to transform me to how You want me. Make all of the people of the world more like You.

The Struggles

Being “Holy” feels rather foreign to me. God says that we engage in Holiness when we are enveloped in prayer. I pray often, but I also sin quite frequently. I am burdened with them, and believe I’m very unsure of how I could possibly live a Godly life. I will never be a saint, which is fine (seeing as how I’m not exactly Catholic anyway), but I would still love to be known for my love of Christ. I can let God guide my words. I can pray and repent and pray and repent, but sin still continues to fill certain voids (or create them) and it makes me feel like I will never love my Lord enough. Maybe I won’t until I get to heaven…but if I could maximize my love for Him here on Earth, that would be great and a true honor. His Grace is sufficient for me. I don’t always feel like it when I am in the midst of a sin, but it truly is. I know this because He has said it, and also because my experiences have told me so. I have sinned greatly, and been blessed greatly as well. Redemption is something I can never pay Jesus back for, but it is still something I welcome regularly, and how can I not? Any bit of peace or love or grace or understanding I receive from the Lord will guide me through the despairing paths of sin and into His waiting, open arms.

So, even though I struggle again and again and again each day, even though I may never attain a level of Holiness in my life that I long for, He makes it all worth it.

Thank you, my Lord and Savior, for your Grace, Forgiveness, Hope, Love, and Redemption.

The Struggles