Miracle Worker

God has been working miracles in my life.

Every day I wake up, it’s a miracle.

It’s a miracle I just found out how to get such a low rate on car insurance. It’s a miracle my Callie cat is able to function, when, before I spent a full day praying for her fervently and saying a novena for her, her health isn’t all that great. I honestly thought she was on the brink of death. She’s not now. She plays and jumps without pain. She eats and sleeps ok. 

I’ve prayed and prayed to be reunited with someone, and it just so happens that I think the Lord has answered my prayer-in His own way.

It’s imperative that I point out that none of this is because of me. I may have prayed, but God always takes the first step. My faith has been dwindling downwards. I’ve really lost touch with God. I’m slowly starting to get back there, but God has been working miracles for me anyway.

All praise and glory to to Him, now and forever.

Miracle Worker

The Result of a Prayer

I found this prayer in a book I’ve been reading today. I knew my heart didn’t want what it was asking, but I confessed that to God and asked anyway, because I knew it was the right thing to do, because I knew my heart wasn’t in the right, and because I wanted to want it.

“My Lord and my God, Take everything from me that distances me from You. My Lord and my God, give me everything that brings me closer to You. My Lord and my God, detach me from myself and give my all to You.”– St. Nicholas of Flüe

The Lord works in mysterious ways. I had been praying to God, “I invite You in to fill every nook and cranny I have and to chase out all the darkness” but this prayer seems to do a much better job of describing my intentions. 

After praying this prayer, I felt and odd sensation.

Suddenly, I felt lifted to a realm where no sin existed. I wrote part of the experience:

“It’s as though I’m an infant, seeing nothing but love from all Christ’s creations. I see no sin. I feel no sin. I feel as though I have ascended to the Lord’s hands, by the Lord’s hands, and in them Lord a field of heavenly flowers that are fed and kept alive by God’s endless love and mercy.”

This is significant. The more we are like children in our faith, the stronger our faith and the more we know. I was just getting onto myself for not knowing the Bible as well as I should, but God popped up and is helping me learn in addition to reading Scripture. Or maybe as an extension of the faith He imparts from Scripture. 

Feeling what I felt and am still feeling is indescribable. I tried my best to put an image to it, but God is so much more infinte than we can grasp, than even all the words in the world can describe. 

Feeling no sin is highly significant for me. I may know something and I may experience something, but feeling plays such a big part in my life. If I have doubts in my faith, it’s normally due to my feelings not lining up with my thoughts or the Bible. God has blessed me with proof, more and more reason to believe, thankfulness, and an increase in Faith. Let me be clear! My increase in Faith is not because He has shown Himself to me, but because He was willing to do so. He was and is willing to work with me, willing to work around my sinful nature to bring me closer to Him. Having His Grace and Mercy bestowed upon me after I have messed up so much is refreshing and inspiring, to say the least.

I need You, God. I need what You give me.

Thank you, Lord, for being YOU! Thank you for working in ways we don’t know. Thank you for having this incomprehensible love and mercy. I hate and shudder to think what the world would be like if all the goodness was confined to what my imagination could concoct.

With You, Lord Jesus Christ, there is nothing about You I can’t believe. There is nothing good I can’t experience when united with You.

All praise and glory be to the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, now and Forever.

The Result of a Prayer

Answered Prayers and God’s Help

The Lord amazes me.

After praying very hard for certain miracles and not getting them soon, I gave up. I got angry with God. After a few days, some small results started to show and I was sure the Lord took my prayers into consideration. I thought that I never should have doubted Him. I didn’t think miracles can take time, but that’s my fault-not God’s.

Yesterday, I was blessed with productivity. Indirectly, it was one of the things I prayed for, and I accomplished a lot. I worked around the house almost all day, with only short breaks. I pushed myself to keep going. Idle hands are the devil’s playthings, and I think God gifted me with productivity so I could respond better to Him.

As I was walking to the recycle bin, I prayed something along the lines of, “Let me have faith. Let me never doubt you, Lord.”

He’s helping me in his own way.

Last night, I was saying a specific prayer that I was seeing in a new light. It talked about the gift of faith and charity and joy. 

Charity was another thing I indirectly prayed for…

So was joy…

I was re-taught the following things yesterday:

God works in mysterious ways. He will not reject anyone who reaches out to Him. 

His timing is appropriate, whether we like it or trust that it is, or not.

He will help us, it just might not be in the way we expect.

Status

God Helps Us Through

A few days ago, I was in a rather bad place. My mind was overcome with worry, anger, and fear so I stayed in bed all day and watched Netflix. It even got to the point where I gave up saying the Chaplet of Divine Mercy part way through because I wasn’t feeling it. This was so incredibly selfish of me. I am still angry at myself for that, but I keep running back to God.

After that, things started to look up again. I prayed, not really too hard, just honestly. My prayers were short, but God met me half way.

He always will. If we cry out to Him, no matter how small out cry, He will meet us. He will outstretch His arms for us, just like He has always done with me, just like He did these past few days.

He gets up past the sin. He carries us through thick and thin-as long as we let Him. If we don’t, we’ll sink and sink and sink until we’ll have very little choice but to turn back to Him, or stay sunken.

What will you choose? 

If you mess up your choice, as long as you’re physically or mentally still alive, you can choose again and again the love of Christ.

God Helps Us Through

Joy, Faith, & Prayers

There is such beauty in God’s promises. There’s such joy in following God’s Word that is far greater and fuller than any happiness we could attain. You can be happy with God, but there’s a difference between joy and happiness. I believe the difference is this: when you’re happy, your spirit is smiling. When you’re joyful, your soul is smiling and feeling content. There were lots of times during my episodes of depression when I felt joyful, but not happy.

I can say that it makes me joyful to pray for people. It makes me joyful to know I can pray for them. I know my prayers aren’t in vain. I know God hears them and hears your prayers, too. He does have reasons for not always giving us something we pray for, but since it’s God, we can trust for the best from Him. We can pray differently and diligently, and most of all, we can have faith. God calls us to have charity, to pray for others, but He calls us to have faith more. Sometimes, it’s hard to have faith, so sometimes my prayers feel a little empty. So I struggle in that moment to align my intentions with God’s, but it doesn’t always work. I then pray that God grant my request anyway, because He loves His people and other people shouldn’t have to suffer because of my flaws. I ask Him for help. This is a way to have faith.

Thanking Him for helping you is a way to find faith, and growing in faith is a way to experience joy.

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.” Romans 15:13

“For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith–and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God–” Ephesians 2:8

“16 <span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-ESV-29621A" data-link="(A)” style=”font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; vertical-align: top;”>Rejoice always, 17 <span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-ESV-29622B" data-link="(B)” style=”font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; vertical-align: top;”>pray without ceasing, 18 <span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-ESV-29623C" data-link="(C)” style=”font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; vertical-align: top;”>give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.” 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

Joy, Faith, & Prayers

Fallen from Grace, but Hopeful

I find that certain ways of being swept up in sin are glorified by society.

The most recent sin of mine that sticks out in my head is not going to church today.

I’m not entirely sure that’s glorified, but I think a lot of the world unfortunately accepts it when things are going ok. I’ve had conversations like, “If things are going great then we should be in church praising God, not ignoring Him!” with the person I was talking to showcasing a bit of despair and self-righteousness.

Now, again, the tables are turned. I’m the one who feels pulled away from God. I’m the one worrying and trying to not despair. I’ve been this way so many times before, but the difference now is that God repaired me then, so I broke a part of me that was already broken then. (I hope that makes sense) So it’s kind of like I started fresh this time. That makes it hurt in a different way. I’m not numb anymore. I’m hurting from this separation from God, from all the progress I’ve made with Him. My heart grieves and keeps asking me, “Why didn’t you go?” I have no good excuse. I have my reasons, but none of them justify not doing what God asks.

However, despite all this, I still have Him. Praying for Grace didn’t hurt. Praying the name of Jesus over and over didn’t hurt. I smiled during the Chaplet of Divine Mercy, when I would normally ache for the world. God showed me faith and told me He forgave me. He gave me the chance to accept His Grace. That didn’t hurt. I was scared that I would mess up again. I am still a bit scared of falling away from God too much, but the good news is that He’ll always be there to bring me back. Even if I mess up purposefully, even when I knowingly sin, even when I don’t try my best, He will still be there for me to run back to, with open arms and a smile ready for me.

I don’t deserve it. Even if I was more effective at minimizing my sinfulness, I still wouldn’t. Thankfully, He loves me. He loves all  of His creations. He won’t help the people I pray for because I pray for them. He won’t not help them because I couldn’t focus during my prayers or fell asleep while saying them or did something wrong before. It says in the Bible that the prayers of a righteous man are powerful. I am definitely not righteous. I wish I was, but alas…

But God accepts my prayers anyway. He helps people because He loves them, not because we deserve it.

I don’t deserve Him welcoming me back every time I mess up. I don’t deserve to have a church so close to me to be able to attend. But He gives me that anyway, because He loves me. He loves all of us. He wants to be close to us-everyone. He will continue to bring me back, time after time. He will continue to accept everyone, regardless their sins, time after time, provided they are sorry for their sins. Sometimes, it’s hard to feel sorry. Sometimes, letting ourselves feel sorry is a very, very scary thing, but we can trust in God, always.

I can trust that God is allowing me to feel this guilt so I learn a lesson that’s for my own good. I can’t trust people to do that for me. I can’t trust myself to do that for me.

The point is, even when we are so disgraceful, God still loves us and will bless us with love, compassion, and appropriate feelings.

Fallen from Grace, but Hopeful

A Realized Need for Prayer

While I felt the Holy Spirit arising from its position of work deep within my soul, I realized there was a vortex of swirling darkness in my chest. I felt the Holy Spirit at work to contain it. In place of the swirl, my focus turned then to the feelings of sorrow caused by talk of the evident disregard for life in the world. In the background of my mind, I was given relief from selfishness that came from the Holy Spirit. I did not experience what one may consider a big amount of selflessness, as I was still very aware of my will to not cry during service and the tears forming that threatened to violate my composure. However, I believe my levels of self-awareness and focus on life in the world at large were appropriate for a baby Christian such as myself. I thought about my sins and how they could pertain to present and future life and realized a greater need to pray for humanity and to atone to the best of my ability for my past sins and their potential consequences. I can only say that God has not made me perfect, and it is only with His Grace and Forgiveness can I attain the amount of selflessness I was meant to give to the world and God’s creations.

A Realized Need for Prayer