The Result of a Prayer

I found this prayer in a book I’ve been reading today. I knew my heart didn’t want what it was asking, but I confessed that to God and asked anyway, because I knew it was the right thing to do, because I knew my heart wasn’t in the right, and because I wanted to want it.

“My Lord and my God, Take everything from me that distances me from You. My Lord and my God, give me everything that brings me closer to You. My Lord and my God, detach me from myself and give my all to You.”– St. Nicholas of Flüe

The Lord works in mysterious ways. I had been praying to God, “I invite You in to fill every nook and cranny I have and to chase out all the darkness” but this prayer seems to do a much better job of describing my intentions. 

After praying this prayer, I felt and odd sensation.

Suddenly, I felt lifted to a realm where no sin existed. I wrote part of the experience:

“It’s as though I’m an infant, seeing nothing but love from all Christ’s creations. I see no sin. I feel no sin. I feel as though I have ascended to the Lord’s hands, by the Lord’s hands, and in them Lord a field of heavenly flowers that are fed and kept alive by God’s endless love and mercy.”

This is significant. The more we are like children in our faith, the stronger our faith and the more we know. I was just getting onto myself for not knowing the Bible as well as I should, but God popped up and is helping me learn in addition to reading Scripture. Or maybe as an extension of the faith He imparts from Scripture. 

Feeling what I felt and am still feeling is indescribable. I tried my best to put an image to it, but God is so much more infinte than we can grasp, than even all the words in the world can describe. 

Feeling no sin is highly significant for me. I may know something and I may experience something, but feeling plays such a big part in my life. If I have doubts in my faith, it’s normally due to my feelings not lining up with my thoughts or the Bible. God has blessed me with proof, more and more reason to believe, thankfulness, and an increase in Faith. Let me be clear! My increase in Faith is not because He has shown Himself to me, but because He was willing to do so. He was and is willing to work with me, willing to work around my sinful nature to bring me closer to Him. Having His Grace and Mercy bestowed upon me after I have messed up so much is refreshing and inspiring, to say the least.

I need You, God. I need what You give me.

Thank you, Lord, for being YOU! Thank you for working in ways we don’t know. Thank you for having this incomprehensible love and mercy. I hate and shudder to think what the world would be like if all the goodness was confined to what my imagination could concoct.

With You, Lord Jesus Christ, there is nothing about You I can’t believe. There is nothing good I can’t experience when united with You.

All praise and glory be to the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, now and Forever.

The Result of a Prayer

The Struggles

Being “Holy” feels rather foreign to me. God says that we engage in Holiness when we are enveloped in prayer. I pray often, but I also sin quite frequently. I am burdened with them, and believe I’m very unsure of how I could possibly live a Godly life. I will never be a saint, which is fine (seeing as how I’m not exactly Catholic anyway), but I would still love to be known for my love of Christ. I can let God guide my words. I can pray and repent and pray and repent, but sin still continues to fill certain voids (or create them) and it makes me feel like I will never love my Lord enough. Maybe I won’t until I get to heaven…but if I could maximize my love for Him here on Earth, that would be great and a true honor. His Grace is sufficient for me. I don’t always feel like it when I am in the midst of a sin, but it truly is. I know this because He has said it, and also because my experiences have told me so. I have sinned greatly, and been blessed greatly as well. Redemption is something I can never pay Jesus back for, but it is still something I welcome regularly, and how can I not? Any bit of peace or love or grace or understanding I receive from the Lord will guide me through the despairing paths of sin and into His waiting, open arms.

So, even though I struggle again and again and again each day, even though I may never attain a level of Holiness in my life that I long for, He makes it all worth it.

Thank you, my Lord and Savior, for your Grace, Forgiveness, Hope, Love, and Redemption.

The Struggles

Faith

I must admit, this specific post is spontaneous, and what I say isn’t really at all planned out ahead of time. However, I have learned a lot about faith and sharing my understanding seems like a good idea.

Faith can come in different ways.

It can be knowing that God is good and having your mind tell you to trust in Him, even when your emotions don’t listen.

Or, it can be trusting God with your feelings and knowing He is Lord in your heart, even when the words in your mind don’t agree, and even with a small bit of fear hanging around you.

Recently, I came across a verse with a definition from Hebrews 11:1:

“Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.”

I have the last part down. Having confidence in what I hope for is another thing. It’s hard for me. I always think, “Well, what if it’s not in God’s plan?” Or “Well, what if He wants me to do something differently or doesn’t grant me whatever wish because I can’t seem to focus, or because I haven’t been giving Him my all?” The only thing I can really do in these times is remember how much He loves us, and me, and remember that if He wants it, it’ll happen. I struggle with the fact that I have not lead a righteous life, and I don’t really know how. I say my prayers, I try to keep the commandments, but I often mess up. Somewhere in the Bible, it says that the prayers of the righteous will be granted, but that’s not me.

I guess it’s good to remember that there’s nothing we can do to deserve His grace or mercy, even if we minimize our sin and do our best to lead a Godly life. Even righteous people fall short of the glory of God. Even righteous people need forgiveness.

Still, it’s nice to aim for more confidence. I think a lack of confidence comes from looking at myself, instead of looking at the Lord.

It’s important to know your God, and having a lack of confidence like I mentioned is, at the heart of it, a result of not knowing Him, of sometimes not having a clear definition of who and what He is. I really need to get to know Him more.

What I know now is that God is Love. God is Goodness. God is Grace and Mercy. God is the Perfect Father. God is Eternal. God is Christ Our Savior.

Sometimes, I don’t know this, or I forget. It’s something I constantly have to relearn.

To be a child of God means to make mistakes over and over, just like a child does, but to go back to Him, and be embraced in His always open arms. Doing the same mistakes over and over is very childlike, and God constantly telling me not to do stuff is very parent-like. However, unlike our earthly parents, God is Perfect. Take that to mean what you will.

I encourage you to repeatedly get to know the Lord your God. It will help in so many different ways that you probably haven’t known have needed help.

God loves you and He always will.

 

 

 

 

Faith