I have to admit, I struggle to do all God asks.
I struggled to wake up this morning and debated for a long time not going to Mass this morning.
I struggle to pray the Rosary, to focus on both the Mystery and praying. I struggle with the timing.
I struggle with making sure the things I do in honor of God are truly what He wants me to do.
I struggle, moment after moment, to love unconditionally, to not judge, to not have to apologize for anything.
God doesn’t struggle. He loves. He gives. He strengthens.
The secret to doing God’s Will involves His Grace and Love. We can be as determined as we want to follow His law, but it is by the Grace of God that we are able to have the Holy Spirit working within us.
The secret to doing God’s Will as He wants involves being open to the Holy Spirit. God can grant us His Grace, but it is essential that our hearts remain open to receiving more and more of it. After all, are we ever really going to achieve as much Godliness as sinful people as God calls us to?
While I tend to look more at my progress than my shortcomings (when you have dealt with depression, you kind of have to take the good things wherever they may appear, even if the bad outweighs the good), I am slowly getting to the point to allow myself to be sorry for my sins, instead of just praying, accepting forgiveness, and moving on in life. It’s not that I want to dwell on my sins, exactly, but I aim to minimize them and to do God’s will more often and more thoroughly. Sometimes, this requires discernment in the form of being humbled by my faults and realizing how sin separates my from my Lord.
I can aim and pray and beg to be granted the Grace to do willingly what God wants me to do. I do. I long to be what God wants me to be, and that’s including the longing to be willing to be what God wants.
I have started praying, “Please, Lord God, take control of all of me, of all I am, of my existence.” because I can’t do it by myself. I can’t continue on the positive path toward God with such limited understanding, love, willingness, and all He gives me.
We can never earn our salvation. We can never do enough, ever, to make up for all Jesus did/is doing for us. What we can do is the best we can.
I don’t always do the best I can. I struggle with having enough motivation, with thinking of how much I’m doing is enough, with attributing negative feelings to good deeds, but I pray that God will continue to help me. I know He will. With God, you can have your cake and eat it, too. I know He won’t control my thoughts, heart, mind, and body 24/7 because I’m sinful. He doesn’t call the qualified, He qualifies those who are called. I’ll always fall short of the Glory of God while I’m on Earth, but He will never struggle. The Saints and Angels of Heaven will never struggle to carry out His Will.
I can’t do it, but God can. ::)