To say it bluntly, God increased my self-esteem by showing me my life and identity are about Him, and not me. Before returning to Christ, I had so many issues with what I was not and all the bad I was. I don’t know what good in me there was, but I didn’t often see it.

God basically gave me the Mirror of Erised. I can look in the mirror and see Jesus and the Blessed Mother standing next to me. God is, at that time, everything because nothing else matters when you’re fully embraced in the Lord’s arms.

Miracle Worker

God has been working miracles in my life.

Every day I wake up, it’s a miracle.

It’s a miracle I just found out how to get such a low rate on car insurance. It’s a miracle my Callie cat is able to function, when, before I spent a full day praying for her fervently and saying a novena for her, her health isn’t all that great. I honestly thought she was on the brink of death. She’s not now. She plays and jumps without pain. She eats and sleeps ok. 

I’ve prayed and prayed to be reunited with someone, and it just so happens that I think the Lord has answered my prayer-in His own way.

It’s imperative that I point out that none of this is because of me. I may have prayed, but God always takes the first step. My faith has been dwindling downwards. I’ve really lost touch with God. I’m slowly starting to get back there, but God has been working miracles for me anyway.

All praise and glory to to Him, now and forever.

Miracle Worker

The Result of a Prayer

I found this prayer in a book I’ve been reading today. I knew my heart didn’t want what it was asking, but I confessed that to God and asked anyway, because I knew it was the right thing to do, because I knew my heart wasn’t in the right, and because I wanted to want it.

“My Lord and my God, Take everything from me that distances me from You. My Lord and my God, give me everything that brings me closer to You. My Lord and my God, detach me from myself and give my all to You.”– St. Nicholas of Flüe

The Lord works in mysterious ways. I had been praying to God, “I invite You in to fill every nook and cranny I have and to chase out all the darkness” but this prayer seems to do a much better job of describing my intentions. 

After praying this prayer, I felt and odd sensation.

Suddenly, I felt lifted to a realm where no sin existed. I wrote part of the experience:

“It’s as though I’m an infant, seeing nothing but love from all Christ’s creations. I see no sin. I feel no sin. I feel as though I have ascended to the Lord’s hands, by the Lord’s hands, and in them Lord a field of heavenly flowers that are fed and kept alive by God’s endless love and mercy.”

This is significant. The more we are like children in our faith, the stronger our faith and the more we know. I was just getting onto myself for not knowing the Bible as well as I should, but God popped up and is helping me learn in addition to reading Scripture. Or maybe as an extension of the faith He imparts from Scripture. 

Feeling what I felt and am still feeling is indescribable. I tried my best to put an image to it, but God is so much more infinte than we can grasp, than even all the words in the world can describe. 

Feeling no sin is highly significant for me. I may know something and I may experience something, but feeling plays such a big part in my life. If I have doubts in my faith, it’s normally due to my feelings not lining up with my thoughts or the Bible. God has blessed me with proof, more and more reason to believe, thankfulness, and an increase in Faith. Let me be clear! My increase in Faith is not because He has shown Himself to me, but because He was willing to do so. He was and is willing to work with me, willing to work around my sinful nature to bring me closer to Him. Having His Grace and Mercy bestowed upon me after I have messed up so much is refreshing and inspiring, to say the least.

I need You, God. I need what You give me.

Thank you, Lord, for being YOU! Thank you for working in ways we don’t know. Thank you for having this incomprehensible love and mercy. I hate and shudder to think what the world would be like if all the goodness was confined to what my imagination could concoct.

With You, Lord Jesus Christ, there is nothing about You I can’t believe. There is nothing good I can’t experience when united with You.

All praise and glory be to the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, now and Forever.

The Result of a Prayer

Remember the Sabbath by Keeping It Holy

For the longest time, I didn’t observe the Sabbath.

Last year, I did.

In short, what I learned is that I am ok. On the seventh day, God rested because it was all good. When I worked and rested because I decided to trust that what God had made was good, it made me feel like I was good. Sure, I knew I had sin and I undoubtedly did sin on Sundays, but that’s ok.

My point is, observing the Sabbath did wonders for my self-esteem and is still working wonders, especially now that it’s lent.

I used this past Sunday as a cheat day (I’m giving up sweets for lent) and also made myself observe it. I don’t think I did any bit of work yesterday. I went to the store with my dad, but that was more of a treat than a chore.

I felt complete. I felt like my body was ok. I felt like my yearning for sweet things was ok and somewhat manageable. This is what God intended for us to understand: He made humanity and it is perfect. I suppose I can ask the question, “Is sin really a part of humanity?” Don’t forget, Jesus was fully man and fully God during His time on Earth, so Sunday is a good time to get in touch with the Human part of us that resides in us because of God. It’s a good time to connect to it and love what the Lord has created-us.

Remember the Sabbath by Keeping It Holy

Answered Prayers and God’s Help

The Lord amazes me.

After praying very hard for certain miracles and not getting them soon, I gave up. I got angry with God. After a few days, some small results started to show and I was sure the Lord took my prayers into consideration. I thought that I never should have doubted Him. I didn’t think miracles can take time, but that’s my fault-not God’s.

Yesterday, I was blessed with productivity. Indirectly, it was one of the things I prayed for, and I accomplished a lot. I worked around the house almost all day, with only short breaks. I pushed myself to keep going. Idle hands are the devil’s playthings, and I think God gifted me with productivity so I could respond better to Him.

As I was walking to the recycle bin, I prayed something along the lines of, “Let me have faith. Let me never doubt you, Lord.”

He’s helping me in his own way.

Last night, I was saying a specific prayer that I was seeing in a new light. It talked about the gift of faith and charity and joy. 

Charity was another thing I indirectly prayed for…

So was joy…

I was re-taught the following things yesterday:

God works in mysterious ways. He will not reject anyone who reaches out to Him. 

His timing is appropriate, whether we like it or trust that it is, or not.

He will help us, it just might not be in the way we expect.

Status

God Helps Us Through

A few days ago, I was in a rather bad place. My mind was overcome with worry, anger, and fear so I stayed in bed all day and watched Netflix. It even got to the point where I gave up saying the Chaplet of Divine Mercy part way through because I wasn’t feeling it. This was so incredibly selfish of me. I am still angry at myself for that, but I keep running back to God.

After that, things started to look up again. I prayed, not really too hard, just honestly. My prayers were short, but God met me half way.

He always will. If we cry out to Him, no matter how small out cry, He will meet us. He will outstretch His arms for us, just like He has always done with me, just like He did these past few days.

He gets up past the sin. He carries us through thick and thin-as long as we let Him. If we don’t, we’ll sink and sink and sink until we’ll have very little choice but to turn back to Him, or stay sunken.

What will you choose? 

If you mess up your choice, as long as you’re physically or mentally still alive, you can choose again and again the love of Christ.

God Helps Us Through

Joy, Faith, & Prayers

There is such beauty in God’s promises. There’s such joy in following God’s Word that is far greater and fuller than any happiness we could attain. You can be happy with God, but there’s a difference between joy and happiness. I believe the difference is this: when you’re happy, your spirit is smiling. When you’re joyful, your soul is smiling and feeling content. There were lots of times during my episodes of depression when I felt joyful, but not happy.

I can say that it makes me joyful to pray for people. It makes me joyful to know I can pray for them. I know my prayers aren’t in vain. I know God hears them and hears your prayers, too. He does have reasons for not always giving us something we pray for, but since it’s God, we can trust for the best from Him. We can pray differently and diligently, and most of all, we can have faith. God calls us to have charity, to pray for others, but He calls us to have faith more. Sometimes, it’s hard to have faith, so sometimes my prayers feel a little empty. So I struggle in that moment to align my intentions with God’s, but it doesn’t always work. I then pray that God grant my request anyway, because He loves His people and other people shouldn’t have to suffer because of my flaws. I ask Him for help. This is a way to have faith.

Thanking Him for helping you is a way to find faith, and growing in faith is a way to experience joy.

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.” Romans 15:13

“For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith–and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God–” Ephesians 2:8

“16 <span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-ESV-29621A" data-link="(A)” style=”font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; vertical-align: top;”>Rejoice always, 17 <span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-ESV-29622B" data-link="(B)” style=”font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; vertical-align: top;”>pray without ceasing, 18 <span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-ESV-29623C" data-link="(C)” style=”font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; vertical-align: top;”>give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.” 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

Joy, Faith, & Prayers